18 April 2000
Nuremberg, Germany

It has been quite awhile since I have felt like I had something to write about. This I have decided means that we are truly turning German. All the things that seemed so different and strange now are starting to seem like day to day life. This is a real turning point in our experience. Now do not get me wrong this is still a real different life style and it has and continues to alter the way we look not only on day to day life but the world in general.

I know that I continue to tell stories that evolve around being in a country were we do not speak the language but this is really something. I love the looks we get when people realize that we moved to a country where only did we not know anyone but we did not speak the language. I would like to say they have a look of admiration in their eyes but the truth is they just look at you like you are crazy.

Sue and I are now speaking much better German but we are still a long way from being able to hold a conversation. I laugh at myself when I realize that the most important book in my life is the German/ English dictionary. I literally have it with me at all times. This means I watch TV with a dictionary, I read the newspaper with a dictionary and probably best of all I use the dictionary when I am eavesdropping. Yes that is right eavesdropping is a great way to learn a foreign language. If you can start to understand a conversation that you are not a part of then you are getting the hang of the language. So if you see a stranger sitting near your table in a coffee shop and he has a dictionary and occasionally looks up a word remember he may not just be increasing his vocabulary but also trying to understand your conversation.

To further add to the concept that this language thing is making me loose my mind I will tell you about the running battle I have with the clerk at the coffee shop. This woman speaks good English and when I go to her she speaks English to me even though I order in German and continue to speak German. So she then uses more complicated sentences in German and as soon as I look confused she has won and turns the conversation over to all English. So I retaliate by speaking very quickly in English using more complex sentences until she looks confused. Through all this posturing I usually get my coffee and then sit down with my dictionary and start to eavesdrop. I really am loosing my sanity over this language thing.

Sue is also having the same experiences in language. Many of her colleagues are helpful and correct her pronunciation and try to help explain why certain words are better than others. Then she runs into the people who will be holding a meeting with 10 or twenty people and when Sue shows up they will ask in front of everyone if they should switch from German to English. What is this all about? They know she does not speak German they seem to just want everybody else to know it as well. I told her that she should answer "you can continue to speak German if what you have to say is not important" All in all people have been very helpful and treated us real well for being in their country and not speaking their language.

Now maybe the biggest culture shock of all. The German driver's license or as Sue and I like to refer to it as German trivial pursuit. As you may know Sue and I have been driving for a combined total of 58 years. During this time we have both received some traffic tickets and even been involved in minor accidents. All in all we have great records and feel that we are pretty good at handling a automobile. Still we understand that driving laws are a little different here and we should be aware of them.

Then we come to find out that not only do the Germans want to make us aware of the differences in the law, they also want to make us miserable. It comes down to some kind of rite of passage thing for them.

First we need to take a five hour first aide course. It is always good to know first aide so this does not seem so bad. Then on another day you need to take an eyesight test. Another good idea but it would have been better to combine it with the first aide test so as to save us a trip. Now comes the fun. We net need to pass a written test. What a drag. It is like being 16 again. So give us the rules of the road and we will learn a few facts and get it over with. Not so fast buster. There are no rules of the road books. What they do provide is 54 sample test with 32 questions on each one. Now as you can imagine to find out all the info you need to know you have to go over all these sample test. Much is repetitive but you never know when that bit of information you need to know will crop up, so you have to methodically go over them all. This in itself is exciting but wait it gets better. Remember this test was originally in German but for our benefit it was translated to English. The translator must have just learned a few basic words of English.

Here are some sample questions:

1. What must you do in a situation when you are dazzled?
2. Does a yellow flashing light indicate a closed convoy?
3. Can you park behind a Zebra crossing?
   This is an interesting one because once you learn what a Zebra crossing is you are still in trouble because the answer is yes but behind really means in front. Does that confuse you? Well lucky for you, you already have a license.
4. Are you allowed to park by Sunken Kerbstones?
   I never did figure out what these were but I knew I could not park there.

Was ist das?

One of my favorite questions was one that I got wrong on my test. It showed a picture of a foggy road and a car in front of me that I was following. It asked what was dangerous about this situation. One of the choices was the fog lamps of the car in front of me. So I did not check it because I did not want to over answer the question and I figured since I was following the car his fog lights were not a concern of mine. When the guy told me I was wrong I argued and so he says yes you can barely see them so they are dangerous. I told him I could not see them at all because I was following. He then pointed out if I looked very closely at the picture there was a car driving towards me with real dim fog lights. I did stare at the picture and then could just barely make out a car coming in my direction. I said yeah but the picture is such that I can not even make out that there is a car coming at me. Exactly!!! he said five points off!!!!!

Then there were the technical questions. Here are a few examples of the things they thought we needed to know to just drive around their country.

1. A single axle trailer has a weight of 600kg. What must be the minimum load on the trailer coupling of the car?
2. up to what permissible mass may motor vehicles be parked on foot paths?
3. By what percentage does the fuel consumption (1/100km) of a middle class car driving at 160 km/h in general increase compared to driving at 130km/h?

I could continue with at least 15 more of these types of questions but I think you get the idea.

Now there are more strange questions that deal with driving a tractor-trailer or other type of commercial vehicle. Remember not only will they not give me a work permit but neither Sue or I are interested in driving a commercial vehicle. Never the less here is some more trivial pursuit they think we need to know.

1. What is the maximum number of persons an employer may allow to be taken to work on the floor of a truck?
2. What is the maximum speed a truck with a permissible total mass of 3.0t and trailer may be driven on autobahns?

Once again there are more like this but I think you get the idea.

Now I studied around seven hours for this test. Those of you that I went to school with know this is more time than I have ever spent studying for a test in my life. Sue had it more difficult because she was also expected to go to work and be productive.

So now test day comes. They tell us the only time you can take this test is 7am. So set the alarm and off you go. You take the test in a group and if you are late or for some reason miss the appointment you flunk and you only have three chances. We were told after flunking three times you needed to take a psychological test. We do not know if this is true or not. We do know after this experience anything is possible. When we get there we sit next to each other and they see this and separate us!! We are really feeling juvenile now and we know who is in charge. Well the good news is that I passed although I missed the maximum amount of points allowed , unfortunately Sue was not as lucky. She ended up with all sorts of those strange questions. I think the guy giving the test was lucky to get out alive. Sue was pissed and then I gave the guy a piece of my mind. This is something the Germans never do. They always avoid conflict so this guy was pretty freaked out by our behavior. Welcome to the land of the free and the home of the brave buddy. Complain as we did about the trivial aspect of the test the results were the results, so we decided that if I could get my license Sue's New Hampshire license was good through October anyway.

So now I have to go to the next step. This is really demeaning. I must go out and drive with a driving instructor. This is not a test. This is just to see if I am good enough driver to take the test. So I get my appointment and a week later go out with my instructor. Now this guy could have just said, " I know that you have been driving for 30 years so we do not need to go through this formality. Instead he had me drive all over and told me things like I was turning my blinker on to soon or that I was in the wrong gear. Then at the end to add insult to injury he had me drive to the high school to pick up his next student and then gave me one last lecture before driving off with his high school kid to teach him how not to drive like us Americans.

Now driving test day comes this is four months after the start of the process. I am told to go to a particular intersection and stand there and wait for the instructor and the government guy to show up. (You take the test in their car) So there I stand and up comes the driver instructor telling me they are going to be thirty minutes late. So here I am standing on the corner in the middle of winter waiting longer. After thirty minutes they show up and tell me to get in the driver's seat. They then get out sandwiches and coffee and start to eat and drink in the back seat ignoring me the whole time. I kid you not. Then off we go and after thirty minutes of driving they have decided I am able to drive in this country. I would have been happy except that I was so mad at the process that only the fact that I thought they could change their minds prevented me from a real non German barrage of foul language. Last but not least remember these people do not even have a speed limit on their highways!!!! Also a important fact is that this process cost between $2000 and $5000 dollars so there is a method to their madness.